Kickin' it Moses-style

I've always identified strongly with Moses. Poor Moses. The dude just did NOT want to do what God called Him to do. He gave God every excuse in his mind why he just couldn't accomplish what God was asking of him. And, let's give the guy some credit, all the excuses were legit concerns. What if I don't know what to say? What if people don't believe me (or think I've totally lost my marbles)? I stink at talking. Please don't make me go. Hey! How about this other person? They're WAY more qualified than me!

I love that I serve a God who doesn't just obliterate me when I look Him square in the eye and say, "Um, are you, like...SURE?!" My circumstance so often sways my obedience to God. At times I fear adding another child to our family (or just doing something God has asked of me, period!) because of a temporary circumstance or behavior of another one of my children. And, THANK HEAVEN God does not do this to us! Could you imagine? If God based how many kids He wanted based upon my actions...I'd be the only child He had. I can be such a stubborn person--thinking that my way is right, all the time. But I secretly like it when God gives me a kick in the butt sometimes. I just love these Mumford & Sons lyrics:

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow


I'll know my ground and know my place. I'll know what God has called me to and not make excuses. Because God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't call me to something on accident. This means parenting as a whole! Letting my kids sinfulness dictate my mood or my relationship with the Almighty is laughable. But obeying brings blessing upon blessing.


"The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;
for he founded it on the seas
and established it on the waters.

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?
The one who has clean hands and a pure heart
who does not trust in an idol
or swear by a false god.

They will receive blessing from the Lord
and vidication from God their Savior."
Psalm 24: 1-5

My Foster Care Profile

I've mentioned before that I frequently look at the profiles listed on adoptuskids.org. If there is a way that we can adopt a child out of foster care, we would love to do that. But we have a very limited opportunity to do this because we won't adopt a child older than Bubba. On adoptuskids.org, you can search the profiles of children that are currently in the foster care system and eligible for adoption. You can search by gender, race, age, etc. My search is always the same. The only information I put in is that the child must be between 0 and 3 years old.  Yesterday there were a couple of new profiles and as I read them I thought to myself, "Oh, no. We couldn't possibly adopt this child. Their needs are too great. We cannot provide for them. It would be too hard." There are scary phrases peppered throughout these profiles. "Strong-willed" "Needs discipline" "Needs a lot of one-on-one attention" "Physically delayed" "Cognitively delayed" "Needs mental health services" "Special needs" "Needs life-long care" "Needs parents who are patient" etc.

I'm so quick to pass these children up...And then I started thinking...if I was listed...what would my profile read? How scary would it be? Would ANYBODY want me? Would anyone take a chance on
me? In reality, it would probably read something like this:

"An energetic, bubbly woman who is often sweet and warm. She can, however, turn on a dime when things do not go her way. Has a potty mouth but is very good at hiding it. She requires a lot of affection, care, and attention. Very forgetful. Occasionally has anxiety and also has a thyroid disorder that requires daily medicine and occasional special check-ups. She is always quick to offer help but is terrible at following through. She is selfish and can sometimes be manipulative toward the ones she loves the most. Can be quite moody. She needs patience, consistency and lots of love. Fears the unknown and doing things out of her comfort zone. Loves to scrapbook and be creative. She is chronically unsure of herself. You must be willing to reassure her of her abilities over and over and over again. Loves the smell of good candles, snuggling and watching movies. Can you give her a forever home?"

It reminds me that a profile is not a child. A "diagnosis" may not be permanent. "Negative" aspects of our personalities don't define us. That we are bigger and more complex than who we look like on paper. That Jesus is bigger than our imperfections. That HE chose us, each one of us with the WORST "profiles" imaginable. And He still takes us, and we are WORTH choosing. And He never said, "Well, I'll die for everyone...the ones without physical deformities, the ones without terrible behavioral problems, the ones that will not need lifelong care and aid, the grateful ones." We are all of those things. Our hearts are calloused and warped. Our minds are sinful and sick. And He chooses us anyway.

And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 2:17

Updates

I'm pretty much just posting because I haven't in almost a week. Tomorrow are the kids' physicals for their paperwork. That's the last stop in our current paperwork train! We'll send that off to the agency and wait to be contacted to begin our home study. So I'll continue my breakdown of our steps:

We've already covered these:
1) Open House
2) Initial Consultation
3) Adoption Application
4) The Gathering of the Data

So to expand on number 5 (The Homestudy-$2,550):
We will have three meetings, at least 1 at our home and the other two at the agency in Skokie. We will have a new paper train to chug along on (oh my gosh, that was SO cheesy--delete that from your brain!), biographical information to fill out, adoption training to complete and more documentation to give the agency. The adoption training is required by DCFS. Since we are open to a trans-racial adoption (adopting outside our race) we will have to complete a minimum of 10 hours of training and education. Thankfully a lot of this can be done online and our agency will just review the material with us. We have to complete three separate videos BEFORE our first meeting with our adoption counselor.

Then we have to get birth certificates, our marriage license, tax returns, driver's license and auto insurance, proof of health insurance and proof of life insurance.

Then we'll write our "dear birthmother" letter but I'll explain that more when we get to it :)

We are also currently securing donations to have a big online auction on May 4th. Another family in our church did this to raise money for their international adoption (their little boy is coming home FRIDAY!!!) and they raised a TON of money through it so we're going to give it a try too! The donations are coming in and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll bring in a good chunk of money.

The clutch purse fundraiser and the wreath fundraiser are both going strong still!!

Sorry for the boring post!

Questioning

I gotta admit it...this week...I'm doubting. This week I'm wondering if we're rushing things. This week I'm asking what the HECK are we thinking??? This week has been SO trying...between tantrums and neediness and FATIGUE and Bubba locking Sissy in her bedroom and more tantrums and whining over the 400 pounds of Easter goodies that are sitting on our kitchen counter and Bubba getting out of bed 10 times during his nap to "go potty"....I don't know if I can handle a third child. I don't know if I can handle the two I have now. I don't know what God is thinking. And I'm kinda sorta thinking it would be great to say, "Hahahaha! Just kidding! You didn't think we were really serious this whole time right?? April Fool's!"

And then I open the mailbox and am greeted by two checks. One is from my best friend. This amazing woman is using her unique talent and her "spare" time (I put 'spare' in quotes because she has a toddler of her own, is expecting another and works full time...so "spare" time isn't really spare time...it's time her family is selflessly giving up) to raise money for this adoption. The other was from some friends who live in a different state and who we rarely see. Oh, and who are expecting their first child in like two weeks. And this can't be a coincidence right? If God wasn't calling us toward adoption...He wouldn't be providing for it...right??

I'm so desperately grasping for God to tell me it's going to be okay and I'm going to be fine and things aren't going to be as hectic and crazy and constantly self-sacrificing as they seem.....but then I remember that they WILL be! And I know God will stretch me AND The Husband. And that it's not about how much I can handle because God will stretch us and mold us as needed. And that He picked all these crazy kids (including the one to come!) to be in this specific, crazy family with its imperfect, impatient, selfish mom...for a reason. And I know we want to do this...we are called to do this...and we will never regret it. I just gotta hold on....for like the next 20 years....then it gets easier, right??

Ok now it's time to break out the discipline (and by "the discipline", I more likely mean the Google tablet) because I can't take hearing Bubba's door open and close one more time...

"I'm so cute!...You would never know that my mommy JUST carried me out of story time at the library kicking, screaming and hitting!"

Prayers answered

So God has been answering some prayers of mine lately that I wanted to share! I've been praying specifically for two separate boys who are available for adoption. I still look at adoptuskids.org daily just to keep our options open. This website has a photo listing of children in foster care who are available for adoption in the US. One boy I found on this site. He is listed in foster care and he is 3 years old--just slightly older than Bubba actually. He sparked my interest as I thought he looked like a little troublemaker--just like B :) But after discussing it, The Husband and I decided that keeping the birth order was really important to us--we don't think Bubba would do well having an older sibling. He has definitely established himself as the oldest child and we think it would really rock his world too violently to introduce an older sibling. It would definitely disrupt that established role for him. So I've been praying specifically for this boy--that if we were not to be his family, that he would find his forever family and that that family would be looking at the same profile I was looking at and have their hearts stirred to inquire about him. And someone did. :) He is visiting with a potential adoptive family right now to see if their family is a good fit for him and vice versa. If you think of it, pray that this boy would fit well into this family and they would be his forever family. And that they would present the gospel to him :)

The second prayer is for the boy that we were interested in from Asia. To recap, we were told that we could not adopt him because he is too close to Bubba's age so they would be "artificial twins." I pray for this boy on a regular basis as well. It makes my blood boil that he is STILL listed as a waiting child!!  Then I got an e-mail from Rainbowkids.org, and who is one of their featured children in the e-mail?? The SAME boy...out of THOUSANDS of listings, this boy finally has a chance to find a family. Everyone who gets their e-mail will see his picture and profile. PLEASE take a look!

If you or someone you know is interested in this sweet boy, go to the website listed or go to rainbowkids.com and sign up to see the photo listing of the waiting children. He's in there....waiting.

We hit our first wall today with the adoption--Sean's doc forgot to fill out an entire form! So back to the doctor's we go tomorrow to get that filled out. Pray that he will fill it out while I wait so I can send all of the required paperwork in to our agency tomorrow. We will be able to start our home study then!!!

Easter was fab--we got to see our niece all last week and then for Easter and the kids were SO excited to be able to hang with their cousin. We didn't see my parents for Easter but they came over beforehand and showered the kids with gifts and sugar--as did Sean's parents ON Easter. I love that Bennett is at an age that I can really start to explain to him what Easter really means. My explanation did not help in convincing him to wear his nice shirt to church on Sunday, though, so I bribed him with a cookie :) Shhh!