The Secret Lives of Parents after Bedtime

I don't know about any other parents of young ones out there but I know that the husband and I sometimes feel like agents in covert ops after bedtime. From 7 PM to 10 PM we let loose and enjoy our time sans-kids. We watch shows that we would never let them watch (Walking Dead, anyone??), we eat food that we try to monitor with them (Fat Boys, Tastee Bite, our town has WAY too many delicious bad-for-you places to eat!), we listen to music with "naughty" words, etc. Sometimes I feel like I hide a big part of me from my kids because it's the adult side of me that they don't see during the day. During the day, I am (or try to be to the best of my ability) fun-loving mommy, pancake cooker, pirate, "bad guy" for Bennett to beat up, referee, boo boo kisser, keeper of the Fruit Loops, hair dresser, world-class singer, chef, maid etc. They don't get to see the adult side of Mommy! Anyone else have this feeling?

On a separate note, working at this foster care agency
has really opened my eyes to the needs of the foster child. My heart breaks on a daily basis for these kiddos. There is so much hurt and abandonment and rejection going on with these kids. I really believe that if the husband and I ever decide to adopt a second time, I will convince him to adopt out of foster care. That process is so difficult for many because most foster children are not legally free for adoption. So you foster children that you want to adopt KNOWING that they may be reunited with their biological family. Which is bittersweet I am sure. Because deep down I'm sure this is what many foster kids want and yet, as adoptive families, we want to "save" these kids...which is not always our place. I'm really seeing many different sides to orphan care through working at this agency and just continuing to do my adoption research and training for our adoption. Orphan care really doesn't just mean adoption.

Foster care is such a HUGE part of it and I think many great families are too afraid to do it because they fear they'll become too attached or they fear the children will have too many "issues." But that's really painting these kids with a broad brush. Yes of course they come with "issues"...kids come into care because of issues at home so of course they're going to bring that stuff with them. But this doesn't mean they're incapable of so much more...of love and attachment, friendship and kinship, desires and talents. As the church I think we need to look at serving more in this way as well as adoption...

Current Home Study News

We've completed two of our three 3-hour long home study meetings. Our last one is in two weeks and will be at our home. We are so blessed with our social worker as she is a believer so we have been able to be VERY open and vulnerable with her about our motivations for wanting to adopt. We've had to talk through some really tough decisions regarding our openness in our adoption including what limits we're willing to go to to protect our child if he/she is of a different race than us. These are really difficult choices to make because we know that not everybody will be comfortable or accepting of our choice to adopt outside of our race and we know that some of these people may end up being people we know very well. But we've decided not to let the unjust thoughts of others make our decision for us and we will continue pursuing an adoption of a child of any race. We will also accept a child who has many mild to moderate special needs.

Once we're done with our home study, we will write a "Dear Birthmother" letter, submit it to the agency for birthmoms to see, and then WAIT. This is partly a breath of fresh air because everything on our end will be done but I know I am very nervous about how long we will have to wait to be placed and how many failures we'll go through till we're placed with our eventual child. We're really trying to leave this up to God, as He has the final say anyway, but with so many possibilities, it's difficult not to wonder and dream about the "what ifs".

We are doing SO WELL with our fundraising. We are now able to pay our first big placement fee of $4400 as well as about $3500 of the matching fee of $4000. After that, we're really relying on God. Depending on the race of the child, we will have a final payment of between $2600 and $7500 plus our legal fees which will most likely be about $2000 and any birthmother expenses we see fit to pay. We feel like we can see the light at the end of the tunnel but there's still work to be done. We applied for one grant and are waiting to hear about it still. If we get it, it may cover up to $5000 of our expenses which will cover almost everything we have left!!

Keep us in your prayers as we continue to find unique ways to pay for this process that we know the Lord has called us to. And consider ways that you can help take care of the orphan. :)