"Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in."
Consider my assumptions scrubbed.
I was paroosing Hobby Lobby today looking for scrapbooks. I got it in my head that it would be a really, super, awesome idea to create some more profile books for our agency, only handmade. I love to scrapbook so it makes sense and is more enjoyable for me to create than an online album. It showcases something I love to do and is personal.
The scrapbooks weren't on sale so I started looking through the scrapbook paper, which was on sale. Baby boy paper, baby girl paper, wedding paper, Valentine's Day paper, "retro" paper, etc. etc. etc. Why was there no "Please consider us when making your adoption plan!" paper???? I threw a couple paper packs into my cart and went on my way, a little deflated.
I assumed our openness in our adoption meant a quick match and placement. Not so much. We are quickly nearing 6 months of waiting. It's been a long 6 months. I assumed every phone call about an "extenuating circumstance," a "difficult situation," a drug-exposed child would be it for us. I assumed because the agency called us about a dire situation the first day we were listed that it meant we would be placed quickly. Like the next day. Or maybe the next day. Okay, maybe the day after that. And each day that comes and passes reminds me that we are no more appealing or special than anyone else listed with our agency. It reminds me whose plan this really is. Because this surely isn't what we had planned.
I've been reading through the Psalms lately. Honestly, I started reading it to send a verse each day to a friend of mine who is in a dark time. And instead I found myself circling a pattern of verses. Wait. Gain strength from the Lord. Wait.
Um, anyone who knows me knows that I. Don't. Wait. I do not have the patience. I get an idea and I want to do it. Now. Or better yet, yesterday. I know myself well and I know this is a part of me and it scares me because I assume, then, that God will want to work on it in me. Which means I'll have to do the most painful thing for someone like me: wait. For me, waiting is like that mosquito bite you got on your leg. SO itchy and you are conscience of it Every. Second. And it's not like it's hard to scratch either, I mean, it's right there on your leg. Easily reachable! But scratching just makes it worse so you occupy your mind with anything you can think of just to stop thinking about the insatiable itch that's on your leg. And so easily itch-able. It's right there!! And that's my limbo ;)
"We wait in hope for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, o Lord, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22
"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11
"The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it" Psalm 24:1
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
