It's no secret that in our western culture, we are under the constant stress of "busyness." There's just no time. Too much to do and not enough hours in the day. Deadlines, stress, anxiety, busyness. My son always asks, "What are we doing next, Mom?" I've decided that I don't want to impose that life on my children anymore and that I don't think pushing them out of their comfort zone in this area is "good for them" anymore. Let me give you an example from tonight:
As I was putting Bubba to bed, I did the normal routine: book, tucking in, hi-low, prayer, hugs and kisses, shut off the light. Normally from here, I would lay down in bed with Bubba and stay till he fell asleep. Let me explain: Bubba.....is a scaredy-pants. Plain and simple. He hates the dark, he won't even go in another room by himself unless I'm in plain view. I think it's pretty normal (albeit kinda annoying) for a 4-year-old but, hence, Mommy became the sleeping buddy. There are nights when it's nice. We get some cuddle time and he drifts off to sleep within like 5 minutes. Then I'm up and on my merry way. Other nights, he's wired and it. takes. forever!!!! And all the while I'm screaming inside "For the love of God, just fall asleep! I've got _________ to do!!!"
So tonight I decided (for him and without his knowledge or approval) that the whole laying-in-bed-till-Bubba-falls-asleep thing had to stop. Weaning was going to start tonight. Period. So I told him I would not be laying in bed with him tonight, but on the floor. And I ever-so-graciously added that I would put my hand on the bed and hold his, if he wanted. He flipped. Tantrum first, then tears, then whining and finally, quietly, he gave up, snuggled his little, sweaty hand under mine and held on while he laid down. And I kind of patted myself on the back for being strong and being the good mama-bird who pushed my son out of the nest whether he was ready or not.
And after about 10 minutes of my son's tossing and turning, he slipped his hand out from under mine and gently draped it on top. It felt comforting. Like "It's ok, Mom. I know you don't know ANYTHING about raising a 4-year-old, but we will figure this out together." I started to think about all of the things he figured out on his own without me pushing him. Like putting his own clothes on, or the time I stopped trying to potty train him and one night he just got up from the dinner table, walked his little booty to the bathroom and peed in the toilet. And I started wondering why on EARTH we, as parents, PUSH our kids as if there's some timeline on how long it's ok to need Mommy and Daddy. I'm fairly certain that one day, Bubba is going to look at me and say, "Mom, I love you, but PLEASE get out of my bed!!!" I'm pretty sure I'm not going to need to push that one! Why do I feel the need to impose this stressful lifestyle of deadlines and busyness on a kid...who knows nothing about time anyway?
So even though his eyes were closed and I thought maybe, just maybe, he was close to falling asleep, I did the unthinkable: I moved. And that little bugger sat straight up, so fearful that I was leaving before he had drifted into sleep. I told him to lay back down, kissed his forehead and whispered, "I'm so sorry, honey. I will lay with you for as long as you need me to." And he whispered, "It's ok, Mommy." And I nestled back into my normal spot at the end of his bed and closed my eyes and waited. And inside, my brain was all, "I want to get downstairs to my popcorn and solitude!!!" but my heart was like, "Yeah, pretty sure I'm figuring out how to do ONE thing right....."
I want to let my kids be kids...irrational fears, neediness and all. So from here on out, I'm going to try my best to do a little more coddling and a little less tough-loving. :)
