Kickin' it Moses-style

I've always identified strongly with Moses. Poor Moses. The dude just did NOT want to do what God called Him to do. He gave God every excuse in his mind why he just couldn't accomplish what God was asking of him. And, let's give the guy some credit, all the excuses were legit concerns. What if I don't know what to say? What if people don't believe me (or think I've totally lost my marbles)? I stink at talking. Please don't make me go. Hey! How about this other person? They're WAY more qualified than me!

I love that I serve a God who doesn't just obliterate me when I look Him square in the eye and say, "Um, are you, like...SURE?!" My circumstance so often sways my obedience to God. At times I fear adding another child to our family (or just doing something God has asked of me, period!) because of a temporary circumstance or behavior of another one of my children. And, THANK HEAVEN God does not do this to us! Could you imagine? If God based how many kids He wanted based upon my actions...I'd be the only child He had. I can be such a stubborn person--thinking that my way is right, all the time. But I secretly like it when God gives me a kick in the butt sometimes. I just love these Mumford & Sons lyrics:

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow


I'll know my ground and know my place. I'll know what God has called me to and not make excuses. Because God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't call me to something on accident. This means parenting as a whole! Letting my kids sinfulness dictate my mood or my relationship with the Almighty is laughable. But obeying brings blessing upon blessing.


"The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;
for he founded it on the seas
and established it on the waters.

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?
The one who has clean hands and a pure heart
who does not trust in an idol
or swear by a false god.

They will receive blessing from the Lord
and vidication from God their Savior."
Psalm 24: 1-5

My Foster Care Profile

I've mentioned before that I frequently look at the profiles listed on adoptuskids.org. If there is a way that we can adopt a child out of foster care, we would love to do that. But we have a very limited opportunity to do this because we won't adopt a child older than Bubba. On adoptuskids.org, you can search the profiles of children that are currently in the foster care system and eligible for adoption. You can search by gender, race, age, etc. My search is always the same. The only information I put in is that the child must be between 0 and 3 years old.  Yesterday there were a couple of new profiles and as I read them I thought to myself, "Oh, no. We couldn't possibly adopt this child. Their needs are too great. We cannot provide for them. It would be too hard." There are scary phrases peppered throughout these profiles. "Strong-willed" "Needs discipline" "Needs a lot of one-on-one attention" "Physically delayed" "Cognitively delayed" "Needs mental health services" "Special needs" "Needs life-long care" "Needs parents who are patient" etc.

I'm so quick to pass these children up...And then I started thinking...if I was listed...what would my profile read? How scary would it be? Would ANYBODY want me? Would anyone take a chance on
me? In reality, it would probably read something like this:

"An energetic, bubbly woman who is often sweet and warm. She can, however, turn on a dime when things do not go her way. Has a potty mouth but is very good at hiding it. She requires a lot of affection, care, and attention. Very forgetful. Occasionally has anxiety and also has a thyroid disorder that requires daily medicine and occasional special check-ups. She is always quick to offer help but is terrible at following through. She is selfish and can sometimes be manipulative toward the ones she loves the most. Can be quite moody. She needs patience, consistency and lots of love. Fears the unknown and doing things out of her comfort zone. Loves to scrapbook and be creative. She is chronically unsure of herself. You must be willing to reassure her of her abilities over and over and over again. Loves the smell of good candles, snuggling and watching movies. Can you give her a forever home?"

It reminds me that a profile is not a child. A "diagnosis" may not be permanent. "Negative" aspects of our personalities don't define us. That we are bigger and more complex than who we look like on paper. That Jesus is bigger than our imperfections. That HE chose us, each one of us with the WORST "profiles" imaginable. And He still takes us, and we are WORTH choosing. And He never said, "Well, I'll die for everyone...the ones without physical deformities, the ones without terrible behavioral problems, the ones that will not need lifelong care and aid, the grateful ones." We are all of those things. Our hearts are calloused and warped. Our minds are sinful and sick. And He chooses us anyway.

And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 2:17

Updates

I'm pretty much just posting because I haven't in almost a week. Tomorrow are the kids' physicals for their paperwork. That's the last stop in our current paperwork train! We'll send that off to the agency and wait to be contacted to begin our home study. So I'll continue my breakdown of our steps:

We've already covered these:
1) Open House
2) Initial Consultation
3) Adoption Application
4) The Gathering of the Data

So to expand on number 5 (The Homestudy-$2,550):
We will have three meetings, at least 1 at our home and the other two at the agency in Skokie. We will have a new paper train to chug along on (oh my gosh, that was SO cheesy--delete that from your brain!), biographical information to fill out, adoption training to complete and more documentation to give the agency. The adoption training is required by DCFS. Since we are open to a trans-racial adoption (adopting outside our race) we will have to complete a minimum of 10 hours of training and education. Thankfully a lot of this can be done online and our agency will just review the material with us. We have to complete three separate videos BEFORE our first meeting with our adoption counselor.

Then we have to get birth certificates, our marriage license, tax returns, driver's license and auto insurance, proof of health insurance and proof of life insurance.

Then we'll write our "dear birthmother" letter but I'll explain that more when we get to it :)

We are also currently securing donations to have a big online auction on May 4th. Another family in our church did this to raise money for their international adoption (their little boy is coming home FRIDAY!!!) and they raised a TON of money through it so we're going to give it a try too! The donations are coming in and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll bring in a good chunk of money.

The clutch purse fundraiser and the wreath fundraiser are both going strong still!!

Sorry for the boring post!

Questioning

I gotta admit it...this week...I'm doubting. This week I'm wondering if we're rushing things. This week I'm asking what the HECK are we thinking??? This week has been SO trying...between tantrums and neediness and FATIGUE and Bubba locking Sissy in her bedroom and more tantrums and whining over the 400 pounds of Easter goodies that are sitting on our kitchen counter and Bubba getting out of bed 10 times during his nap to "go potty"....I don't know if I can handle a third child. I don't know if I can handle the two I have now. I don't know what God is thinking. And I'm kinda sorta thinking it would be great to say, "Hahahaha! Just kidding! You didn't think we were really serious this whole time right?? April Fool's!"

And then I open the mailbox and am greeted by two checks. One is from my best friend. This amazing woman is using her unique talent and her "spare" time (I put 'spare' in quotes because she has a toddler of her own, is expecting another and works full time...so "spare" time isn't really spare time...it's time her family is selflessly giving up) to raise money for this adoption. The other was from some friends who live in a different state and who we rarely see. Oh, and who are expecting their first child in like two weeks. And this can't be a coincidence right? If God wasn't calling us toward adoption...He wouldn't be providing for it...right??

I'm so desperately grasping for God to tell me it's going to be okay and I'm going to be fine and things aren't going to be as hectic and crazy and constantly self-sacrificing as they seem.....but then I remember that they WILL be! And I know God will stretch me AND The Husband. And that it's not about how much I can handle because God will stretch us and mold us as needed. And that He picked all these crazy kids (including the one to come!) to be in this specific, crazy family with its imperfect, impatient, selfish mom...for a reason. And I know we want to do this...we are called to do this...and we will never regret it. I just gotta hold on....for like the next 20 years....then it gets easier, right??

Ok now it's time to break out the discipline (and by "the discipline", I more likely mean the Google tablet) because I can't take hearing Bubba's door open and close one more time...

"I'm so cute!...You would never know that my mommy JUST carried me out of story time at the library kicking, screaming and hitting!"

Prayers answered

So God has been answering some prayers of mine lately that I wanted to share! I've been praying specifically for two separate boys who are available for adoption. I still look at adoptuskids.org daily just to keep our options open. This website has a photo listing of children in foster care who are available for adoption in the US. One boy I found on this site. He is listed in foster care and he is 3 years old--just slightly older than Bubba actually. He sparked my interest as I thought he looked like a little troublemaker--just like B :) But after discussing it, The Husband and I decided that keeping the birth order was really important to us--we don't think Bubba would do well having an older sibling. He has definitely established himself as the oldest child and we think it would really rock his world too violently to introduce an older sibling. It would definitely disrupt that established role for him. So I've been praying specifically for this boy--that if we were not to be his family, that he would find his forever family and that that family would be looking at the same profile I was looking at and have their hearts stirred to inquire about him. And someone did. :) He is visiting with a potential adoptive family right now to see if their family is a good fit for him and vice versa. If you think of it, pray that this boy would fit well into this family and they would be his forever family. And that they would present the gospel to him :)

The second prayer is for the boy that we were interested in from Asia. To recap, we were told that we could not adopt him because he is too close to Bubba's age so they would be "artificial twins." I pray for this boy on a regular basis as well. It makes my blood boil that he is STILL listed as a waiting child!!  Then I got an e-mail from Rainbowkids.org, and who is one of their featured children in the e-mail?? The SAME boy...out of THOUSANDS of listings, this boy finally has a chance to find a family. Everyone who gets their e-mail will see his picture and profile. PLEASE take a look!

If you or someone you know is interested in this sweet boy, go to the website listed or go to rainbowkids.com and sign up to see the photo listing of the waiting children. He's in there....waiting.

We hit our first wall today with the adoption--Sean's doc forgot to fill out an entire form! So back to the doctor's we go tomorrow to get that filled out. Pray that he will fill it out while I wait so I can send all of the required paperwork in to our agency tomorrow. We will be able to start our home study then!!!

Easter was fab--we got to see our niece all last week and then for Easter and the kids were SO excited to be able to hang with their cousin. We didn't see my parents for Easter but they came over beforehand and showered the kids with gifts and sugar--as did Sean's parents ON Easter. I love that Bennett is at an age that I can really start to explain to him what Easter really means. My explanation did not help in convincing him to wear his nice shirt to church on Sunday, though, so I bribed him with a cookie :) Shhh!

Fundraising Update

We recently received an amazing donation toward the adoption from a friend. The Husband is also planning on working extra hours over the summer and between those two things we will now be at our halfway mark!! The wreath orders have slowed down a bit but we are still getting orders in each week. This has been a HUGE blessing as it has brought in about $1500. This pays for our adoption application fee three times over! The clutch purse fundraiser has brought in a couple hundred dollars as well and is still going strong! We have already paid our first two fees and we are now at a point where we have money to pay for our home study fee in full and after all the orders are filled, we should have enough to make our first BIG payment in full when we are officially listed with the agency. This happens as soon as our home study is finished but we can also be called upon before our home study is completed in extenuating circumstances.

Our coffee fundraiser has been a bust! lol! Well you can't win 'em all! We are keeping it open throughout the adoption just in case though :)

I thought I'd kind of write out all of our steps in the adoption for those who have been asking. It can be quite confusing to understand where we are in our process and what each step entails. Also, it's nice to know where your money is going when you're donating to a cause! There are a lot of steps so I'm just going to cover where we are at now...So...here goes:

1) Open House: We went to the agency and talked to them about, well, THEM! This was just to get to know them and solidify if this was the agency we wanted to use.

2) Initial Consultation ($350): This was a three-hour meeting where we laid out the basics of what we are looking for in a child as an adoptive couple (age, ethnicity, birthmother drug use, special needs, domestic or international, etc). We gave the agency information about our family and received information about our home study and the next steps in the adoption. We got lots of our questions answered but came away with lots more!

3) Adoption Application ($375): We filled out the physical application complete with family info and references

4) The Gathering of the Data (as I so lovingly call it): We are in this step now. We have lots of doctors appointments for ourselves and the kids to have them verify certain things about our health. We also need to get fingerprinted, have our references answer questions about us as a couple, family, and our experience with children. We need to fill out lots of applications for DCFS and forms that are completely redundant but necessary. We have all of these appointment set for this week. We need to get copies of our birth certificates, marriage certificate etc. as well to send in. THEN....

5) The Home Study ($2,550): This will consist of three meetings with our social worker. At least one will be in our home. This process includes lots of education we have to complete on our own about adoption, adoptees, inter-racial adoption, open adoption, etc. We also will be meeting with our social worker to make sure that our family and home will be able to meet all of the needs of the child and will have lots of questions asked of us and have all our questions answered. We will become a foster home through DCFS but with the understanding that we just want to adopt at this point. So we will not have any foster children. We also need to write a "Dear Birthmother" letter. This will tell any prospective birthmother about our family, us individually, our beliefs, why we want to adopt, and what we have to offer this child.

That was a lot of info so here are some cute pics of the kids from last week. They are currently sick and we have doctor appointments for them today. Prayers for their healing and mine and The Husband's SANITY amidst the whining and crying are appreciated!!

Caring for the Orphan

Since we have decided to adopt domestically (within the United States), I have sort of gone through a mourning process. I am subscribed to Reece's Rainbow and Rainbow Kids which both have extensive photo listings of mainly international special needs orphans needing homes...NOW. I started, I'd say last April, scouring these photo listings, reading up on special needs that I didn't know about and countries I've never been to and ordinarily would not care to visit. I came across probably a dozen children that I've just felt a connection to. One we tried to pursue but were denied because he is only 6 months younger than Bubba. They would be "artificial twins" and most agencies don't like that and won't allow it. I personally think it is ridiculous to deny a child a permanent home on the basis of there being another child the same age in that home. You can bet their orphanage or foster family has children the same age but are deemed a better place for this child than a permanent, loving family and home. Well, stepping off of my soapbox...

Even though we have decided (not just because of that one incident) to adopt within the US, I look through those photo listings almost daily, praying for the forgotten, pleading with God to bring their families to them. I've been wondering HOW God is going to answer my prayers of healing and protection over these children if a family does NOT come for them...

"You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, so that mere earthly mortals will never again strike terror." Psalm 10: 17-18

And it dawned on me today...He DOES hear their cries and the desires of their hearts. He DOES love these children more than we can fathom. But He works through us! There will be beauty in the end but we live in a sinful and imperfect world and these children are not going to magically move from their worldly orphan status to being in a family. Someone, with the help of God, has to MAKE it happen.

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."
James 1:27

I am, by no means, implying that everyone should adopt or is called to adopt. But we are called to action in some way. Support, advocate, PRAY PRAY PRAY! Sign up for the Rainbowkids.com newsletter and forward it to your friends and family! SOMETHING. We cannot continue to turn our eyes away from this just because it's not comfortable to see...

Reece's Rainbow
Rainbow Kids